Sunday, August 5, 2012

Reflecting on my Whininess

   I have to admit, I have been a bit whiny about this whole ordeal.  I know when someone initially asked me how I felt on the day of my doc's call, I said I was aggravated...this was not in my plans.  I was ticked that I would have to find someone to sub for the WW meetings I was looking forward to subbing and to sub for my regular WW meetings. (I wasn't going to get to use my magic wand this week!).  I was suppose to meet friends for lunch on Tuesday. I planned to go to my classroom and clean out my remaining 2 file cabinets.  I had plans! (Remembered a precious friend saying, "You want to see God laugh? Tell Him you've got plans.") I was kind of bummed that I had gotten some cute, comfy summer dresses to start the school year, but wouldn't get to start the school year...hmm...guess leggings, cardigans, and boots will have to be added, because I really want to wear those dresses! I keep thinking about all the "things" I need to be doing or what I want to do.
   I was asked, "Are you mad at God?"  My reply was, "No, why would I be mad at God?  It's not His fault."  I realize that (Insert drum roll and lightening bolt of recognition here.) I want to be in control and want to have things my way.  Some of you may be shocked at this revelation, but most will not.  Sometimes I have to release what power I think I have over my life and recognize my true identity is in Christ and he has ultimate control.  He is God, He is Good, He is Life...regardless of what things look like, He doesn't change. Kinda gives me a better perspective of this whole "out of control" time of my life.
  Yes, I've been whiny about some things, but I have also experienced so many things to be thankful for...early diagnosis, optimistic reports from my oncologist, more time to work on my "Mary" personality, and time to really have time to do absolutely nothing.  Also, I know I've been blessed with an incredible circle of caring family and friends. This year my circle was enlarged with the awesome people I work with at Weight Watchers and the precious members that put up with my craziness at meetings.  I've enjoyed the emails, visits, card, and outpouring of encouragement and love from so many.  All of the people on my life journey are being the hands and feet of God to me in so many ways. maybe all I needed was to step back and get a little perspective!
   One more song...definitely one of my prayers:

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