Better is One Day...(and an update)

   This morning's devotional was on having quiet time in the morning with God. I like doing my quiet times in the morning and have had a bit of difficulty developing this habit because I am not a morning person. (Okay...I can hear you guys saying, "That's an understatement!" and "I know that about you!") Do I think morning is the only time you can enjoy time with God? No.  Whenever you have it is not as important and that you have it.  Also, if you miss it...don't beat yourself up: FIDO (Forget It and Drive On). "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up.  They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!" (Lamentations 3:22-23)

   So one of the scripture verses was Psalm 27:4.  Which made me think of a song and led me to Psalm 84. When a friend posted one of the scriptures from Psalm 84, I thought, "Wow...today is focusing on what's important...being in God's Presence." I trust in God and know I am totally blessed! This is the song I was thinking of and it's one of my favorite bands singing...

   Today was the first day for kids at the school where I teach.  A dear friend came to visit this morning.  She retired from my school a few years ago.  She said she signed up for today because she knew I would be sad not to be at school today.  She was right. It's the first "First Day of School" I've missed in 29 years. We enjoyed visiting and sharing our faith journeys. Her sweet, gentle spirit was just what I needed today.
   Had a surprise visit from my aunt (my mom's sister), uncle, and cousin today. They've been to visit several times.  I don't think they realize what a blessing their visits are...every time.  Aunt stayed with me several times during my first go-round. She's always willing to lend a hand and has come over on several occasions to lend a hand.  Cousin lives a couple of hours away, but still visits and calls.  She's also willing to stay with me and help out. They brought me a sparkly card because they know I like sparkly things.  Another uncle (my mom's brother) sent a beautiful doily to put under  a basket he remembered I have in my room.  He said he remembered that I liked the pretty, lacy things.  These are the most precious people and I'm so glad God blessed me by putting me in their family!
   Loved seeing everyone's First Day pics on Facebook today! Talked to Sis about her first day as a second grade teacher at her new school.  Talked to both nephews about their first days. Enjoyed hearing from a few colleagues about their first days.  I lived the first day of school vicariously through them!

Update:
Another good day! No "extras" needed today. Doc said we'd look at numbers again tomorrow and possibly do the bone marrow biopsy again. Praying for remission (or total eradication would be good, too) so I can have a couple of weeks off before the next round. Calls, cards, texts and emails continue to bless me. God is Good; God is Faithful!

Today's Word: Love (and an update)

   When I first started reading today's devotional, I have to admit, I was thinking ..."Come to Me? Really...I'm pretty much a captive audience." (For some reason I was sportin' a bit of attitude this morning.) but then I read:

When your heart and mind are quiet, you can hear Me inviting you to draw near.  Coming close to Me requires no great effort on your part;  it is more like ceasing to resist the magnetic pull of My Love.  Open yourself to My loving Presence, so that I may fill you with My fullness...This vast ocean of Love cannot be measured or explained, but it can be experienced. (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, p. 234)

   In Ephesians 3:16-19, Paul talks about knowing how wide, long, high, and deep is the love of Christ.  While I was sitting quietly, a song came to mind. It was the David Crowder Band's " How He Loves."  Some of the phrases that kept going through my mind were "He loves like a hurricane,"afflictions eclipsed by glory," "If grace is an ocean we're all sinking," and  I don't have time to maintain these when I think about how He loves us."

   Sometimes we all need to take time just to be in God's loving presence and rest, knowing that His love is beyond measure.  Sometimes it's hard for me to rest and let God just love on me.  That's an experience I want to repeat again and again.

    The LOVE continues...People ask if I have any restrictions on visitors.  Not really...to visit you have to be healthy and not bring in any fresh fruits, veggies, or flowers.  I was just thinking today about the visitors.  I'm amazed at how I know people from so many venues....family (that's a given), church, missions, high school, job, volunteer work, etc.  Equally amazing is their outpouring of love in the forms quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and physical touch (toe hugs!)...what Gary Chapman talks about in his book, The 5 Love Languages.   Being loved by God and watching His love being exhibited in so many ways creates a humble, grateful heart.                                 

Update:

   Another good day!  No transfusions.  Cheeseburger (no lettuce, no tomatoes, etc.) and chips for lunch and enjoyed a piece of piece of cheesecake this evening.  Was excited to get to change clothes today, but had to change clothes a second time due to my inability to open a small container of pineapple. Enjoyed visits, card, emails, texts, and calls. Still feeling like a bit of a slacker, but so thankful that side effects were not as scary as I was told.  Praising God for his constant provision, healing, and wholeness.

Trust...the Word of the Day (and an update)

From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

Relax in My Healing, holy Presence.  Allow Me to transform you through this time alone with Me. As your thoughts center more and more on Me, trust displaces fear and worry.  Your mind is somewhat like a seesaw.  As your trust in Me goes up, fear and worry automatically go down.  Time spent with Me not only increases your trust; it also helps you discern what is important and what is not...As you walk close to Me, saturating your mind with scripture,, I will show you how to spend your time and energy. (p.233)

   Okay, first...how amazing that this morning's devotional ties into what I talked about on time....Wow.
   Checking in with friends, I find this posted on my wall:

 

   Trust is the word....trust in the fact that God's got this.  (Check these out:  II Corinthians 4:16-18, Romans 8:18, Psalm 30:5 [Yes, joy made it to that one...imagine that!] Trust in the character of God.  Totally loved the seesaw analogy!  It's a work in progress...and it's progressing.

 Update:

   Another good day! Received platelets today...first time ever...and they kind of look like a bag of chicken soup without the noodles. Yes, I took pics and I am going to scrapbook! Visits from friends and family...calls, texts, emails...very well cared for and loved.  Baked cod for dinner! Getting a bit sore, but still not experiencing some of the major side effects...constantly praising God for that! So they tell me that a transfusion will probably be in my future...another first. Incredibly blessed to have the family, friends, docs, nurses, assistants, housekeeping, nutrition staff....so many people being the hands and feet of God! Trusting and watching Him work!

Security Blankets and the Like

   So when I woke up around 3:30 this morning, I found myself reaching for my soft, pink sparkly blanket, wrapping my hand in it, then going back to sleep.  I have a wrap knitted by a friend I like to keep by me.  Even if I don't have it on, I like it to be close. Sometimes I like to just sit and hold my pink, fuzzy pillow.  Do these objects have any "magical" properties?  No.  They do, however, provide comfort.  Sometimes they are soft to the touch and I need the "softness" at that moment.  Sometimes the object reminds me of the special person who send them.  I kind of see all this as an extension of how God works through everything.  This reminded me of a story I heard in church one time.

There was a little boy who was having problems sleeping.  "Dad, I'm scared," he said as he lay in his bed.  From the room across the hall came the reply, "Son, God is with you. You're safe."  a few minute later the cry came again, "Dad, I'm scared,"  The dad replied, "Son, God is with you. You're safe."  "I know, Dad," came the response, "but right now I need someone with skin!"

    The presence of God is real and tangible.  It's hard to describe.  God, in His infinite wisdom with an unfathomable love, realized that as humans...we need someone with skin...that touch.  Sometimes we can be that "someone with skin" for others.  I'm thinking this is what "being the hands and feet of God" means.

(VERY) Early Morning Chat

   For the past several nights I've been cared for by the same Nurse's Assistant.  She comes in and out to check on me and take vitals.  When I have visitors, I introduce her to them and tell her who they are.  Sometimes, during the night, when I'm awake...we chat a bit.

   I know I've said it before, but I'm going to reiterate...I am being well cared for.  The staff here is wonderful.  I've been blessed by so many and have opportunities to share my life with them.  This post is just one example.
   This morning, before the sun and chickens were up, she was getting my vitals.  She made the comment that I had several nice visitors and there were so many different ones.  As she was getting ready to leave, we chatted a bit more then she said, "How do you have time to have so many friends?  You're in a classroom all day." Yep, heard the door open, so I shared with her something that took me several years to learn.
   When I first started teaching, I didn't realize how important it was to take time for myself and actually have a life.  I would stay at school until nine or ten at night, go home, fall into bed, and start all over again.  Sometimes I would get home to a message from my student teaching mentor (who taught at the same school) that said, "Hey, just checking on you.  You'd better be at home and not at school." Yes, this was close to 30 years ago!  I had to realize that my job was not my life.  I knew it was a calling, but if I didn't take care of me better, I couldn't do my job.  I shared that I had to put limits on the time I spent working.
   (Okay, some of my friends might says, "She puts limits?" Yes...I'm much better. Still growing in that area and go through different growth spurts. I've learned to use a really cool word that needs no explanation when someone asks.  It's "no.")
    I shared how it became important to me to be involved with things apart from my job...like volunteering in my church and in missions. I shared how sometimes I just need to have a little "me" time and get away for a while just to do nothing. We talked about the importance of family.  I told her how much I enjoyed getting to know, not only the people I work with, but the ones I come in contact with wherever I go.  She said she liked visiting with the people she helped.  I encouraged her by telling her what a great ministry she has here.  Her kind words, caring attitude, and sweet smile have blessed me on many occasions.  Will be watching for more opportunities to share!
   So in summary...I think that what I've learned over the past several years is

• I can't "make" time, I have to "take" time for what's important.
• God made everything perfect...including the whole day and night thing.  I'm the one that over does it and needs to pay better attention how He wants me to use His gift of life.

Love this Calvin & Hobbs!

 

Things I'm Learning (and an update)

  Some of the nuggets from my devotional Jesus is Calling by Sarah Young (also available in an app):

You hear Me in the depths of your being.  The best response is a heart over-flowing with gratitude.  I am training you to cultivate a thankful mind-set.

   I can definitely say I've had a heart overflowing with gratitude and have been in a thankful mind-set.  God has shown Himself over and over in so many ways through people (some I don't even know), circumstances, and quiet moments.  As I was meditating on this (No...not chanting and clearing my mind...thinking on the devotion and scriptures) I thought about some of the things people had been saying.
   Most who know me know it's a bit hard for me to take compliments.  I never know how to respond.  While praying about this, I really think God was helping me to see what I need to do.  I need to take the compliments for what they are...encouraging words of love, concern, encouragement, and hope that bathe me in His presence.
   So anyway...here's what I believe I got from all of this:

• When people say I'm inspirational, point them to the One Who is True Inspiration...the Creator, Sustainer, and Giver of Life.
• When people say I'm strong, remember I'm week and point them to the One Who is Strong and Mighty in Power.
• When people say my faith will see me through, remember it's the One in Whom my faith is put...the Ever Faithful One..that will see me through.

     Ray Stedman, in Adventuring Through the Bible, p.571, says it so well:

When we freely admit that without Christ we can do nothing- and we live our lives accordingly, totally dependent on Him- then we discover that "we can do all things through Him that strengthens us. (Philippians 4:13)and what an amazing discovery that is.

 Now after writing all this, I could probably best summarize it like this:

It's not about me; It's about Him.

Update:

       Wow...another good day! Nice visit from my sis this morning...scored a Hello Kitty toothbrush! Had some "no screen" rest time...I'm trying! Dayspring friend picked up supplies so she and her Bible study could help me complete a project. Bible study with pizza (got permission from doc) and great visit with special friends. On last chemo bag...told I still have to hang around for a while. Continue to learn so much about God's provision and awesome power! Very thankful and blessed to have the time and feel up to visiting with everyone...family, friends, hospital staff, etc.  I am well care for and well loved. I was a little sad today when I realized I would be missing my 29th School Kick-Off. Have I been teaching that long? This aging thing is not working well for me right now.  No worries...my school family is awesome!  Looking forward to returning; concentrating on doing what I'm suppose to be doing now.  Hanging out and watching God work!

Update with Observations

   So happy to report another good day!  Enjoyed visits from friends, cards, texts, calls, emails, and visiting with hospital staff.  Keep finding out about the incredible way people continue to be the hands and feet of God to take care of me.  The post master in my little town is working with my friends to help tend my mail so I can keep up with everything.  Have an awesome substitute that is working to get ready for school.  Great grade level team, school, and district staff supporting, praying for, and loving me. Weight Watchers staff and members reminding me daily how truly special they are and how blessed I am to work with them.

  Very fun "God"incidence today.  A couple of teacher buddies were visiting around dinner time when a nurse's aid (not assigned to this room, but helping out) came in and looked at one of my friends and said, "I know you," then to me, "and you." She was a former student!  How fun was that.  She's going to be a nurse. 
   I have to confess.  I did get "grounded" from screen time today. My blood pressure was up a bit. Since I had been on a little longer than normal, I could understand that.  I promptly obeyed and rested.  All is well.  Going to limit screen time from now on. 
   Continue to be in awe at how well I feel, all things considered.  Of course, the thoughts in my devotional were very appropriate for today :

Understanding will never bring you Peace.  That's why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding.  Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives.  But the world presents you with an endless series of problems.  As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you.  The relief you had anticipated is short-lived.  Soon your mind is gearing up again: searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your master)...My Peace is not an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze.  Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is inherent in My Presence.  As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious Peace.  (Jesus Calling by Susan Young, p.233)

  I have to admit, my toes were a bit sore after this one.  Being a science teacher, I believe that science is man's feeble attempt to try to figure out how God does things.  Maybe sometimes I need to try not so hard to figure out how He does things, just rest in the fact that He does!

Lot of Encouragement Today (and an update)

   Since I'm still feeling up to it, I try to keep up a semi-regular schedule in the mornings.  I like to "get ready for the day."  It was kind of nice using the white wash cloths and not having them turn orange...didn't have to have the red chemo yesterday!  I like to move about a bit in the morning look out my window and continue to praise God for all His provision.  I also like to get caught up on what's going on with my family and friends.  Today was a day, as many have been, of encouragement and it made me even more thankful for the awesomeness of God and how He has put people in my life and orchestrates such a grand design. (Hmmm...think I may be rambling a bit...sorry.)
   Wanted to share a few of my "moments" from the day.  Reading a note about a friend's prayer, I was struck by a phrase he used.  He said he was praying for my grace, comfort, physical strength and a rapturing awareness of God's presence at every moment. Wow!  That's exactly how I would describe the incredible peace I've been feeling during this whole time.  Then, looking at the verse of the day sent from the radio station I listen to often (Air 1) , I thought, "I'm so standing on that one!".  Ooops...guess you need to know which one.  It's II Corinthians 4:17 NLT "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long.  Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"
    So, if that wasn't enough, when mail came today, I received a precious reminder that not only is my bestest friend praying for me, but a whole army of prayer warriors is praying. Okay, I knew that, but that tangible reminder made peace flow over my soul. Also, in the mail...a devotional a friend was telling me about was sent to me by another friend...the two don't even know each other.  Part of today's thought in Jesus is Calling (the devotional) p.229 is

"When things seem to be going all wrong,stop and affirm your trust in Me.  Calmly bring these matters to Me, and leave them in My capable hands. Then, simply do the next thing.  Stay in touch with Me through thankful, trusting prayers, resting in My sovereign control. Rejoice in Me- exult in the God of your salvation!"

   Wait, there's more.  Had a visit from a precious friend, texts, a daily joke, call from nephew who remembered I like synchronized swimming so I could watch, encouraging emails, calls, and friends taking care of so many details to help me out.  Wow...God shows Himself all over the place!

Update:
    Another good day.  Think I may have found my craving this time. (Last time it was cottage cheese.)  It appears that I'm really liking to drink lots of low fat milk...go figure! Glad this floor is well stocked!  Getting ready to have premeds, which make conversing with me pretty entertaining.  Will be starting chemo bag #6...WooHoo! 

Reflecting on my Whininess

   I have to admit, I have been a bit whiny about this whole ordeal.  I know when someone initially asked me how I felt on the day of my doc's call, I said I was aggravated...this was not in my plans.  I was ticked that I would have to find someone to sub for the WW meetings I was looking forward to subbing and to sub for my regular WW meetings. (I wasn't going to get to use my magic wand this week!).  I was suppose to meet friends for lunch on Tuesday. I planned to go to my classroom and clean out my remaining 2 file cabinets.  I had plans! (Remembered a precious friend saying, "You want to see God laugh? Tell Him you've got plans.") I was kind of bummed that I had gotten some cute, comfy summer dresses to start the school year, but wouldn't get to start the school year...hmm...guess leggings, cardigans, and boots will have to be added, because I really want to wear those dresses! I keep thinking about all the "things" I need to be doing or what I want to do.
   I was asked, "Are you mad at God?"  My reply was, "No, why would I be mad at God?  It's not His fault."  I realize that (Insert drum roll and lightening bolt of recognition here.) I want to be in control and want to have things my way.  Some of you may be shocked at this revelation, but most will not.  Sometimes I have to release what power I think I have over my life and recognize my true identity is in Christ and he has ultimate control.  He is God, He is Good, He is Life...regardless of what things look like, He doesn't change. Kinda gives me a better perspective of this whole "out of control" time of my life.
  Yes, I've been whiny about some things, but I have also experienced so many things to be thankful for...early diagnosis, optimistic reports from my oncologist, more time to work on my "Mary" personality, and time to really have time to do absolutely nothing.  Also, I know I've been blessed with an incredible circle of caring family and friends. This year my circle was enlarged with the awesome people I work with at Weight Watchers and the precious members that put up with my craziness at meetings.  I've enjoyed the emails, visits, card, and outpouring of encouragement and love from so many.  All of the people on my life journey are being the hands and feet of God to me in so many ways.
   Okay...so maybe all I needed was to step back and get a little perspective!
   One more song...definitely one of my prayers:

Blessings at the Hospital (and an update)

  Okay, I know staying in the hospital is not the preferable means to get rest and care, but if you have to have a major life illness a good hospital makes a huge difference.
   I was thinking today that I have a great support system of family and friends.  The fact that the floor I'm on really has no strict visiting hours is a plus for people who need to visit at a variety of times.  Having a private room with a mini sitting area is perfect for me to sit and visit with friends and have Bible study with my group.

Piece of the Apollo 16

   The staff is exceptional!  The ladies that clean my room are wonderful.  One use to live in Alamogordo, NM,(think "Space Science Museum")  and has relatives that worked at NASA.   She brought a piece of the Apollo 16 space capsule for me to see. Yes, I took a pic. (What can I say, I'm a science teacher and love space science?!) She said she had pics if I was interested and I told her absolutely! The nurses and nurses' assistants are incredible.  They never just come, do their thing, then leave.  They always come in with a smile, make sure I have every I need, and usually stay to chat.
   My oncologist is going on vacation, so I prayed with her that she would get rest and relaxation.  She said the doc on call this weekend actually has treated more cases like mine than she had.  The doc that will cover for her next week is the doc who did my bone marrow biopsy and is head of the bone marrow transplant facility here.  I'm in good hands!  Dr. B also reminded me that she wouldn't be leaving the planet and would be a phone call away.
   So I wasn't planning on being in the hospital, but since I had to be in one...I'm glad it's this one!

Update:  Another good day.  Visited by a precious friend.  Got to take a "bird bath" and feels good to be clean.  Started Chemo bag #3 of 7. No major side effects.  Had delicious baked cod for dinner!

Wire sculpture made by husband of another patient...given to me by one of the sweet ladies that cleans my room.