Trust Frees Us!

   The last couple of days my devotions from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young have really been mostly about trust.  From Saturday:

Accept each day exactly as it comes to you.  By that, I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body.  Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.

   That sometimes sounds like a tough assignment, especially if you're someone (let's say me) that likes to take care of things herself. The devotion gives two choices...give up or rely on God. I think sometimes I have a third choice...I'll handle it.  It's interesting because I'm not one to give up, but sometimes I like to try my hand at taking care of something before trusting God to take care of it.  I never really thought this was a problem before.  I now see that when I truly trust God to take care of whatever is going on, I don't have to worry about taking care of things.  It's comforting to know even if I do make one of the other choices before trusting God, He doesn't abandon me.  I can turn to Him and He says, "I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day.  Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence."
    Today's devotion invites, "Walk with me along paths of trust.  The most direct route between point A and point B on you life-journey is the path of unwavering trust in Me."  (Isaiah 26:4, Psalm 9:10, Proverbs 3:5-6) It gives this advice: "As soon as you realize you have wandered from your trust-path, look to Me and whisper, 'I trust You, Jesus.' This affirmation will help you get back on track."
   I think my problem is sometimes (okay, more times than I really want to admit it) I give something to Jesus...I say, "Here, I trust you with this," but then turn around and (maybe not verbally, but in my actions) say, "I changed my mind. I'll take that back."  I'm starting to learn how freeing it is to take something off my plate, give it to Jesus, and not take it back. Am I still tempted to take it back? Oh, yes. One of my favorite sayings recently is, "It's okay. God's got this." I'm having to develop that mindset and work on unwavering trust. "I trust you Jesus!" (practicing...)

My Natural Preference...(and an update)

   As a teacher, I find myself repeating important information.  I say the same thing over and over, maybe rephrasing it, because it's important.  I will say something, then say it again because I really think the point has to be made....see what I'm sayin'?
   This morning when I was doing my devotion, I realized something I discovered a long time ago: some things in the Bible are repeated a few times so they must be things that we are supposed to "get." This morning's devotion was like a compilation of everything I've been "getting" over the past month.
   Here it is from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

Grow strong in your weakness. Some of My children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina.  Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty.  Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith.  On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day.  I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather that on your understanding.  Your natural preference is to plan out you day, knowing what will happen when.  My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed.  This is how you grow strong in your weakness. (James 4:13-15, Proverbs 3:5, Isaiah 40:28-31)

    I didn't think I was gifted with weakness.  I've always seen myself as a strong, take charge kind of person.  I'm at home in leadership positions or working as part of a team. Having cancer...twice...really makes you slow down and think about what's going on in your life.  I've been forced to slow down and admit that I can't do everything; sometimes I need help and it's okay to ask for it.  I've been forced to be weak.  In my weakness, through more purposeful time spent with Jesus, I've developed a different kind of strength.  This strength doesn't have anything to do with leading, but instead following the One who will lead me  beside the still waters and restore my soul. (Yes, that's from Psalm 23).  This strength is what helps me meet the everyday challenges, big and little, and continue to grow in grace and mercy. This reminds me of some of the "truths" from the book The Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss:

• By God's grace, I can choose to obey Him regardless of how I feel.
• There is no excuse for ungodly attitudes, responses, or behavior.
• I  do not have a "right" to "feel good." Regardless of how I feel, I can choose to give thanks, to obey God, and to reach out to others.
• God has given us powerful resources- His Holy Spirit, His Word, His promises, the body of Christ- to minister to our emotional needs.
• I may not be able to control my circumstances, but my circumstances do not have to control me.

      I had to face the fact that sometimes I like to wallow a little instead of taking responsibility to do what I know I need to do instead of using the excuse "I don't feel like it" or "Since I'm sick, people need to make allowances." This, sometimes, may be a fine line because I find myself trying to be okay when I really do need help. This is when I need to heavily rely on the Holy Spirit's guidance.
   "Your natural preference is for you to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when." Oh, I so resemble that remark!!!  God wants me to trust Him.  This particular thing is a growing process for me. I'm finding the more I realize I am weak and need assistance, the more I find the strength I need to handle whatever the day brings! 
    Bottom Line:  It's so not about me, my abilities, my wants, etc.  It's all about him and His character and will for my life.

Update: 
   Great doctor visit today. White count has doubled since Tuesday. No blasts (I had to ask what they were...leukemia cells) in the lab work. Still waiting for chromosome results to determine next phase (hospital = 2 weeks or outpatient 5 days X 5 weeks).Doc told me that some of the treatment involves arsenic..."As in Arsenic and Old Lace without the old lace? Rat poison is going to help make me better?" I asked.  Apparently in the right doses administered correctly the answer is yes. I have another question: Who sits around and figures this stuff out? God's got to have His hand in this!Sis went with me today and we both prayed with Dr. B. So glad God's got this and continues to be faithful!

One, Two, Three...Eyes on Me!....(and an update)

   This is my third day home and I'm still lovin' it!  I've continued to do my devotion, but have been sleeping a lot, so I've missed a few days on the blog.  I decided to combine the last three devotions from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  When I looked back over them a phrase that most teachers will recognize came to mind: "One, two, three...eyes on me!" The central theme I got from the devotions (I say that because God could show something different to someone else. I've found that when I read the same scripture at different times in my life I get something different from it each time that applies to that particular time of my life.) is to keep focused on Christ by being in His Presence.
   On Monday the phrases that stood out to me were:

Spend time with Me for the pure pleasure of being in My company...I can add sparkle to the routines of daily life...A mind that is unfocused is vulnerable to "the world, the flesh, and the devil," all of which exert a downward pull on your thoughts...The best remedy is to refocus your mind and heart on Me, your constant Companion...My Presence goes with you wherever you go, providing Light for your Path.

   On Tuesday the phrases that stood out to me were:

Grow strong in the Light of My Presence.  As My Face shines upon you, you receive nutrients that enhance your growth in grace...this interaction strengthens your soul...This meditative time with Me blesses you doubly: You experience My Presence here and now, and you are refreshed by the hope of heaven, where you will know Me in ecstatic Joy.

   For today, Wednesday, the phrases that stood out to me were (pretty much everything!):

Demonstrate your trust in Me by sitting quietly in My Presence.  Put aside all that is waiting to be done, and refuse to worry about anything.  This sacred time together strengthens you and prepares you to face whatever the day will bring...The most effective way to resit evil is to draw near Me.  When you need to take action, I will guide you clearly through My Spirit and My Word.  The world is so complex and over stimulating that you can easily lose your sense of direction. doing countless unnecessary activities will dissipate your energy.  When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction.  As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less by accomplish more.

  So here's my take: Those who know me know that the one word that stood out was SPARKLE. I love sparkly things.  The idea of Jesus adding sparkle to my day felt like a heart hug! I am guilty of getting so caught up with the business of life that I sometimes just "do" my quiet time devotion or "do" my Bible study. This was a great reminder to focus on what's really important...Jesus.  Take time for what's really important...Jesus.  When I focus on Jesus, He goes with me where ever I go...not just when I sit and have my devotion or have a purposeful time with Him.  Now that I think about it, when I focus on Him, all my time can be purposeful. Being in His presence makes my time purposeful.
   Tuesday's words for me were "ecstatic Joy," since that's this go-round's theme. The words "light" and "shine" also put me in the thought of "sparkle" from the day before. Being in God's presence daily and receiving the nutrients to grow in grace and strengthen my soul do give me peace and assurance here and now and strengthen the hope I have for heaven.
   Today's devotion really tested my Martha personality. It's hard for me to just sit at any time. I tried this...just sitting quietly in His Presence. It's amazing...I didn't feel like I wasn't doing something. I felt like I was strengthening my relationship with my Savior. Did I spend a lot of time sitting quietly? Probably not as much as I should, but I know I can now.  It's okay to work on my Mary side. (Check out the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42 in the NIV and the Message.) I especially like the "I restore your sense of direction" for I need direction (not just when I'm driving) everyday. Do know I need to spend more time in His Presence to work on the "trust" issue.  Realized this today when my phone rang and saw it was Dr. B's office.  Momentarily felt dread, but answered anyway. Just a reminder that I had an appointment on Friday. Relieved! Was thrown off because I thought they always called the day before to remind...silly me!
   So now you know I think God is telling me...One, two, three...eyes on ME!

Update:
    Still feeling good! Blood pressure continues to be good...I'm convinced it's because I'm home and not in the hospital.  Yes, I was the lady at the drive-thru at the bank who used a kleenex to get the container and return it. Yes, you had to wait on me while I put the money in my wallet and then used anti-bacterial lotion before I drove away. :-) Met with my Bible study at Panera! Met between lunch and dinner crowd, but was overjoyed to be able to be there! A sweet friend brought lasagna and salad for dinner. Sis did some shopping for me and visited. Continue to nap throughout the day, but still love being home!!!!God continues to be faithful and true!

Trust versus Fear...(and an update)

  Today's devotion talked about two things I view as opposites: Trust and Fear.  This is what was in today's reading from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, p 245:

Trust Me, and don't be afraid.  I want you to view trials as exercises designed to develop your trust-muscles.  You live in the midst of fierce spiritual battles, and fear is one of Satan's favorite weapons.  When you start to feel afraid, affirm your trust in Me...Speak or sing praises to Me...Trust Me, and don't be afraid; for I am your strength, Song, and Salvation. (Isaiah 12:2)

   You know how when someone says, "Trust me," you just know not to trust them?  It's hard to trust someone you've just met or that you don't know very well. ("Oh, I know where she's going with this," you might be thinking..."She's going to preach." Well, maybe just a little.) You have those people in your life that you trust...some to varying degrees based on how long or how well you know them. Some may say, "It's hard for me to trust Jesus." So how well do you know Him? I've been getting to know Him since I was fourteen. It's not been a constant, everyday relationship.  Some times I'm better about intentional time with Him. Looking back, I'd have to say it's been the last 5-7 years that I think I've been pursuing a more intimate relationship with Him. Have I arrived? No. Do I still have some "off days." Yes. I have, however, noticed my "trust-muscles" have gotten a bit stronger and I always have opportunities to develop them even more. You can't get to know Someone unless you spend time with Him.
   Just a bit on fear...One of the things I remember from my youth minister days is part of a lesson about fear.  We used an acronym for fear:  False Evidence Appearing Real. Think about it...some of the things we fear don't come to pass.  Others may come to pass, but, because God is in the mix, He is able to quiet our fears and help us through.  And here's a quote from a friend's Facebook page: "Our future may look fearfully intimidating, yet we can look up to the Engineer of the Universe, confident that nothing escapes His attention or slips out of the control of those strong hands." --Elisabeth Elliot
    So apparently crickets are plentiful several places.  Was talking to a friend today, and she shared about a problem with crickets at he office where she worked.  She said that she was trying to step on this huge cricket and every time she put her foot down, she missed. When the other ladies in the office saw her, not knowing about the cricket, they thought she was dancing. So now...I know a Cricket Dancer. (Oh, she finally got the cricket.  She was convinced that it saw her shadow, so she sneaked up on it and went in from the side without letting her shadow fall across it until she was ready to step.)

Update:
   No headaches! MRI came back clear. Doc said my brain was "normal," but I had to tell her that I had friends that may argue with that assessment. Still waiting for biopsy results. Increased BP meds. Can blow my nose gently now (Hey, it's the little things!). Wonderful visit with a precious friend this morning. Visit with school friend; loved hearing about her new job and school stuff. Enjoying a blingy, pink hat. Sweet friend prayed over me today.  Wonderful Bible study with two incredible ladies. Great visit with Sis. Thankful for my phone so I can have long chats with friends and get encouraging texts and texts from my nephews that make me smile. Appreciate the card and emails; they brighten my day. God continues to be my Rock, my Fortress, my Strong Tower, and my Ever Present Help!