Blessings at the Hospital (and an update)

  Okay, I know staying in the hospital is not the preferable means to get rest and care, but if you have to have a major life illness a good hospital makes a huge difference.
   I was thinking today that I have a great support system of family and friends.  The fact that the floor I'm on really has no strict visiting hours is a plus for people who need to visit at a variety of times.  Having a private room with a mini sitting area is perfect for me to sit and visit with friends and have Bible study with my group.

Piece of the Apollo 16

   The staff is exceptional!  The ladies that clean my room are wonderful.  One use to live in Alamogordo, NM,(think "Space Science Museum")  and has relatives that worked at NASA.   She brought a piece of the Apollo 16 space capsule for me to see. Yes, I took a pic. (What can I say, I'm a science teacher and love space science?!) She said she had pics if I was interested and I told her absolutely! The nurses and nurses' assistants are incredible.  They never just come, do their thing, then leave.  They always come in with a smile, make sure I have every I need, and usually stay to chat.
   My oncologist is going on vacation, so I prayed with her that she would get rest and relaxation.  She said the doc on call this weekend actually has treated more cases like mine than she had.  The doc that will cover for her next week is the doc who did my bone marrow biopsy and is head of the bone marrow transplant facility here.  I'm in good hands!  Dr. B also reminded me that she wouldn't be leaving the planet and would be a phone call away.
   So I wasn't planning on being in the hospital, but since I had to be in one...I'm glad it's this one!

Update:  Another good day.  Visited by a precious friend.  Got to take a "bird bath" and feels good to be clean.  Started Chemo bag #3 of 7. No major side effects.  Had delicious baked cod for dinner!

Wire sculpture made by husband of another patient...given to me by one of the sweet ladies that cleans my room.

ORANGE POWER!

    My OU Sooner friends don't have to worry...this isn't a post about OSU Cowboys.  It is about the color orange, which happens to be the color for the Leukemia Awareness Ribbon.  It's just convenient for me that I happen to be an OSU fan and have a few orange t-shirts already in my possession.
   As a public service, I felt inclined to inform everyone of the variety of causes you could support when you wear orange if you wanted to cycle through the causes to which you lend your support. Those causes, in addition to leukemia and OSU, are hunger, feral cats, diversity and racial tolerance, motorcycle safety, Multiple Sclerosis, Jewish settlements in the Gaza Strip and Northern Samaria (Israel), and many more.  Check out Awareness Ribbon Colors And Meanings to find a pretty impressive list of many colors with many meanings.
  I have a sweet friend who has changed her facebook pic to an orange Leukemia Awareness Ribbon.  I know this means she love me, because she is very much a crimson and cream person (OU) . I believe this is the only reason she's every worn orange on purpose. You know who you are and YOU ROCK!
   Okay, today's public service announcement is over. I'm done!

Update (With a little evangelism)

   Today Dr. B was at my room at 5:30.  She caught me making a note in my phone and wanted to know what I was doing awake.  I told her when I remember things and don't right them down I forget. She just smiled.  She also told me that I had passed a huge hurdle.  She said that since I made it to the 5th day without major complications, I was in the 80 percent for survival. I was already planning on that. (There I go planning again!). Before she left, I asked if I could pray with her.  She said she'd love that and reached for my hands. (I think she's done this before.) After the prayer, she smiled. God continues to work in so many ways.
   I had a good visit with my sis today.  She has been doing a great job coordinating things and taking care of things for me.  Some great friends finished working upstairs  in my house to get it ready to sell.  My bro-in-law and nephews came for a visit. My neighbors and friends from around the corner stopped by. A sweet lady from my Sunday school class came to visit and stayed to help get up and about.  Had a great time chatting with her.  Also had a call from my PC Dr. and PA...only they were here in "friend" mode instead of  "doctor" mode.
   Right now I'm sitting in my bed, finishing up this post and have another I started earlier.  I'm looking out at the skyline, all the lights thinking about all of the people and all of their stories.  I know there are people living on the streets I see from my window.  I'm wondering how they are making it through these hot days.  There are people who work in the buildings all lit up tonight who will return to work tomorrow with a new set of worries for the day.  I truly don't know how anyone can make it without God.  Some people say that if you believe in God, you're using a crutch.  I'm okay with that.  If you're sick you go to the doctor, right? Hopefully, you trust your doctor and follow his advice to get well.  Then why, when you're sick in spirit, or life, or...fill in the blank...do you not go to the Great Physician, read His prescription (the Bible...Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth), and follow His care plan?
   I really hope that tomorrow will also be a good day.  Even if it's not, I know I have a good God that will be with me whatever the day brings!

There's more to come!

   So yesterday I wasn't exactly at my best.  I do remember being given a med for a headache that put me out just a bit.  I wanted to read some in my Bible study, but I had a hard time focusing.  Sis to the rescue!  She read a couple of chapters from Romans to me.  Wow...there was one part I said ,"Write that down please.  I'm going to need to read that later and I want to use it in my blog."  She did and here it is:

There's more to come.  We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.  In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged.                               Romans 5:3-5 The Message

   This is such a great reminder of how God, when we pursue a relationship with Him, prepares us for things we don't see coming. I saw how God prepared me for the first go-round with breast cancer. (Check out my blog post "Preparation for the Fight." ) I can see how over the last few weeks I've been getting prepared for this go-round with leukemia.
   During the last few weeks my Bible study group has been studying Acts from the book Adventuring Through the Bible by Ray Stedman. One part that really stuck with me was when discussing Paul's trials, it was pointed out that "obstacles and disappointments only advance the gospel." One of the things discussed was Paul's arrest and imprisonment.  Paul, being such a  "felonious fellow," was chained six hours at a time to one of the elite guards of the Roman army.  Is is any wonder that a large part of Caesar's household became Christians?  Because of Paul's imprisonment, other Christians were encouraged to take up the slack and began preaching boldly. While in prison, Paul wrote letters to the Church...Colossians, Philemon, Ephesians, and Philippians.
    Do I think God brought on this leukemia to teach me a lesson? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Do I think God can work through this obstacle to further His Kingdom and bring glory to His Name? ABSOLUTELY!  Am I always going to have a pleasant time and like what's happening? No, but I have my faith, family, and friends who will make sure I still experience joy in this part of my life's journey.

Details, Details, Details

   I just saw my incredible oncologist, Dr. B.  She said I've tolerated the first oral chemo well. (The whole puking up my toes thing was expected, but the meds made it better.) Today and tomorrow I will get an IV push of a different chemo drug, then a continuous drip for 5 days. This will wipe out my bone marrow, then I'll have to stick around for it to replace. 
   This morning I weighed and had lost 5 pounds.  The WW leader in me was thinking, "Healthy weight loss is a half to two pounds per week."  I had cereal for breakfast and by passed the eggs, bacon, and biscuit. So far, so good!
 
   I don't necessarily have to have someone with me at all times, but it is comforting to have someone in the room.  My sis has been great.  She brings things to work on while I'm out and sends emails for me when I can't.  I'm going to talk her in to continuing my blog posts.
   I was transferred to a bigger room.  It's twice the size of the other one. More space to party!

Cancer-Round Two!

   A week ago I was very excited to be going to my last six month oncology appointment...I would get to go to yearlies since I was five years cancer free.  After the routine blood work, I was told they wanted to do the tests again.  On the second round of blood work, I was told my white count was low. It could be a virus. I was given an appointment for the next week.  More blood work showed an lower count; even lower than when I was on chemo.  Friday I went in for a bone marrow biopsy and made an appointment for the next week to talk about the results. Early Saturday morning I received a call from my oncologist who said she got the preliminary results Friday evening and final Saturday morning.  I have acute promyelocytic leukemia. Dr. B said I needed to go to the hospital immediately.  "Immediately, as in right now?" I asked. (I was trying to finish my oatmeal and blueberries!) She asked me how I was feeling, and when I told her "fine" she said I could wait until Sunday afternoon.
   After getting off the phone, shedding a few tears, praying for strength and guidance, I began making phone calls.  Thanks to great family and friends, my classroom was taken care of, I met with my realtor (Y,es in the middle of everything, I'm trying to sell my house!), got my act together, and made it to the hospital. What a whirlwind!
   Okay, I need to take a moment and do a little praising.  Praise, really? Yes, I can see God's fingerprints all over this.  First, I didn't have any symptoms.  I was well enough to take care of the things I needed to see to before coming to the hospital.  According to Dr. B, this is a very aggressive form of leukemia and patients are usually exhibiting symptoms including pain and bleeding.  I still feel okay. (I do feel a little guilty because I've been on the computer or phone most of the day.) Another plus: this is a very treatable form or leukemia and it was caught early.  More praise...I can have visitors!  This is not inherited...no risk for my family!
      There are several more things I want to blog about, but will save for other posts.  (I don't like to read really long posts, so I figure no one else does either.) In order to keep everyone updates, I will updates.  I will also be blogging about my experience and thoughts during this whole journey.  I've been telling people this is going to be an adventure, but I'd rather be on a safari in Africa if given a choice!

Coincidence? Not!

     I don't believe in coincidences.  I believe everything happens for a reason (even if I don't always know that reason). Some people call those things that apparently happen "Godcidences."  One of those happened to me today.
     May 24th is my anniversary of sorts.  Four years ago today, I had a surgery that made me cancer free.  This evening I was reading scripture in preparation for my Bible study tomorrow evening.  I've been really busy packing my classroom, so I got a late start on reading the first thirteen chapters of II Kings.  I think I was reading exactly what I was suppose to read, exactly when I was suppose to read it.  You see, I remember vividly the scripture I read for my devotion the morning I received my cancer diagnosis.  It was  II Kings chapter 6. 
     In this chapter God causes an iron axhead to float and delivers an entire army into the hands of an unarmed prophet. I remember that morning when the question asked, after listing the amazing things God did, "Is there anything God cannot do?" I quickly thought, "Well, no, of course not!" When I heard the words, "It is cancer," that evening from my primary care doctor, I was reminded of my devotion from that morning and experienced peace as I tried to wrap my mind around what I'd just heard and prepare for the fight.
     Tonight, as I sat with my nephews while my sis kept a watch on the weather, I read over those same scriptures and was reminded of my experience from four years ago.  I shared with my nephews about the scriptures and they were wowed by the fact I didn't plan to read that particular passage, but did on my anniversary. I was wowed, too.  God continues to remind me that no matter what it is...cancer, storms, things seen, things unseen...there is nothing God cannot do.
     Thanks, God! I needed that reminder!

The Beat Goes On!

     No, this won't be a post about Sonny & Cher. (For those of you who are wondering who Sonny & Cher are, just ignore my attempt at humor.) The beat I'm talking about is my heart.  We just finished studying the circulatory and respiratory systems.  Some of my students used stethoscopes and heard their heartbeats for the first time.  I loved seeing their eyes light up and the expressions of wonder on their faces when they heard and were concentrating on the beat...lub, dub...lub, dub... 
     I'm very thankful for my heartbeat, especially today.  I celebrated my "cancerversary" (A term coined by one of my students). It's the fourth anniversary to be cancer free!  I celebrated with my class today.  The school where I teach is very supportive of the American Cancer Society's Relay For Life.  I used the slogan from Relay...Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back to share a little about my journey with students and how they can lower their risk of getting cancer.
    The first thing we did was CELEBRATE.  I told students how much I appreciated their support during our fundraising efforts and how important it is to let people know you love and appreciate them.  We also had cupcakes to celebrate.
     We REMEMBERED by watching the Relay Photostory from 2010.  Then we took a look at a slideshow of this year's Relay event. Several of our school's students were featured in the pictures.  One of the students from my homeroom class, a fellow survivor, appeared in the pics and students didn't realize he was a survivor.  Students also had a chance to share about family and friends with cancer.
     Students learned how to FIGHT BACK.  Many of the students had participated in several of the fundraisers...Think Pink basket, Water Bottle Raffle, Collecting Change for a Cure, Digital Key Chain Raffle, Wednesday Dinner Theater and some brought donations.  I explained that money for research and to help those with cancer was only one way to fight back.  Another important way to fight cancer is to learn how to reduce the risk of having cancer.  We talked about nutrition, an active life style, not smoking, and sun safety.
    Each class period was emotional for me, but I count it a privilege to be able to share with students to help them understand they are not to young to choose to live a healthy life style and make a difference in the lives of others.

My Fabulous Friends

     In his book, The Council of Dads, Bruce Feiler talks about what values he wants his girls to learn from his friend, Max.

The loyalty of the friend who sees how far I've come instead of how far I have to go.  The dignity of the person who has devoted his entire life to serving others.  The self-respect of the man who insists on meeting his own standards instead of succumbing to those of others.

     This passage got me to thinking about the incredible friends God put in my life to bring me through some of the most trying times of cancer. There's Sis, who, even though we are related, began and continues to be one of my best friends and biggest supporters.  Cat, who guided me into missions and joined me for many adventures, slept on the floor beneath my hospital bed after my first surgery and made sure the nurses were doing what they were suppose to all night.  Several friends took turns staying with me when I wasn't able to use my arms to care for myself...Cat taught Sis (who hates the sight of blood) to care for the 4 drains that made me feel like a science experiment; Aunt S accompanied me to chemo and stayed with me cooking, cleaning and caring for me when she had challenges of her own to deal with; Em, my precious friend from across the hall and later halfway across the U.S. and back again, stayed a few nights and continues to check in on me; S, who has taken care of my income taxes since I was a senior in high school and joined in on several mission trips, sat with me through chemo and kept me talking and entertained so the nausea didn't have time to get me down; L, who I've taught with for years and watched live out her practical, unwavering faith, accompanied me to chemo, encouraged me, challenged me and cared for me; the senior girls from my small group who visited me in the hospital and made me smile...especially R when she tried the compression sleeves; G, who lived her faith as she accompanied me to chemo, prayed for and with the nurses who cared for her during her own hospital stays, and reminded me that we never cease to exist...some of us step into eternity before others.  R would call me from church on Sunday mornings when I wasn't able to be there, and I would listen to the worship service via phone. There were scores of others who came to visit me in the hospital and at home; some I read about in the journal Sis continued to keep for me so I would know what went on even when the meds put me out. I can't fail to mention the incredible ladies I teach with (Some are my former students!) that have become my second family.  They encouraged me through visits, cards and meals, always reminding me that I was loved.  Sometimes, when I was trying to "be okay" after chemo, my principal would see me in the hall and send me home, but I never worried about my job. She kept an eye on G and me to make sure we didn't overdo it, but never wanted to take our dignity and love of our jobs away.  I've heard it said that if you have one close friend in a lifetime, you should consider yourself blessed.  I consider myself blessed beyond measure!

Preparation for the Fight

I didn't even see it coming...CANCER.  I wasn't expecting it, but never the less, it came.  In retrospect, I can see now that I was preparing for the journey and the fight long before they came to be.  A few months before, one of the ladies in my Bible Study group purchased us copies of The Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  Our group did the study of this incredible book.  I loved each chapter, even when the truth wasn't pleasant.  Each chapter had the lies countered with the truth from God's Word.  Some, I could recognize and was okay with them.  For example, the lie is "I shouldn't have to suffer."  The truth is, "True joy is not the absence of pain, but the presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of the pain."  Some...I had to really think about.  For instance, the lie is "God should fix my problems."  The truth is "God has an eternal purpose He is fulfilling in the midst of my problems."  There were several more truths which I hung on to months later as I experience the pain, nausea and roller coaster of emotions that cancer and its treatment brings.  I would recommend the book to all women, whether or not they are going through trials or not.  Ms. DeMoss has written The Lies Young Women Believe.

At the beginning of the year of my diagnosis (2007), I purchased a new devotional Bible that would help me read the Old and New Testaments in paired passages with a couple of questions each day.  That book is The Message//REMIX Solo:An Uncommon Devotional by Eugene Peterson. The Old Testament reading the morning of my diagnosis was II Kings 6.  One of the parts I thought was particularly odd is the story of how some prophets were building and a borrowed axhead fell in the water. Elisha cut a stick and threw it where it fell and made it float.  I remember thinking, "Why is that story in the Bible? That's just strange."  One of the questions for that day went something like, "If God can cause and iron axhead to float and deliver an entire army into the hands of two unarmed prophets, is there anything He can't do for you?" I remember thinking, "Well of course not.  Good point." That evening is when I spoke with my primary care doctor and she told me the results of my biopsy.  When she told me I had cancer the morning's devotion came back to me and I felt peace.

I believe it's vital to study and learn God's Word.  You just never know when and how it can impact your life. 

A Passport to Intimacy

     As I thoughtfully make my way through reading The Council of Dads, I am constantly coming across things to which I say, "Wow, that's absolutely true." or "That's exactly how I felt."  In the letter from chapter 7, Bruce Feiler writes:

Cancer, I have found, is a passport to intimacy.  It's and invitation-maybe even a mandate-to enter the most vital, frightening, and sensitive human arenas.  It's a responsibility to address those issues we rarely want to discuss, but we feel enriched when we do.  In that spirtit, I hope you find occasion to ask a difficult question of someone you love, renew a long-forgotten promise you made to yourself, or spread a little magic of your own to help keep the monsters at bay.

     This brought memories of my sweet friend G, who went with me to my first chemo treatment, then took me to dinner afterward and informed me, "Enjoy it now, because it will not taste as good coming back up!"  She was correct.  Then, G stood at my bathroom door as the first wave of nausea rolled in.  "You feel like you're puking up your toes, don't you?  I'm bringing you meds!"  You see, G was speaking from experience.  She was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer six months before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Yes, G went with me to the wig shop to help me pick out just the right wig and ended up getting another for herself. I think we tried on every wig they had and had a blast doing it!  When we pulled into the parking lot, before going in the wig shop, G said, "Can I ask you a question?"  I knodded.  She said, "Do you sit around and cry because of your diagnosis?"  "No," I responded, "do you?" "No," she said, and then paused.  She looked at me and scrunched up her eyes and asked, "Do you think we're taking this as seriously as we should?"  "The way I see it," I said, "if it doesn't affect our standing in eternity, it's not that big of a deal."  "Yeah," she said, "that's what I thought.  Glad someone's on the same page."  Even though we both knew where we would spend eternity and our relationship with Christ sustained us through our cancers, G stepped into eternity and I let God know what I thought about that. (So glad He knows I'm human and offers me grace, mercy and forgiveness when I act so human.) The thing I think I learned the best from dear G was, no matter what you go through, when you know whose you are (Christ's and Christ's alone) you live life to it's fullest...after all, He promises us abundant life. I love how The Message puts it: .."I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." -John 10:10

Chemo May Lend Itself to Humor

  In reading The Council of Dads, I came across something that made me smile.  When talking about the side effects of chemotherapy, Bruce Feiler wrote, "The resulting list of dos and don'ts is quite precise, including no sushi, manicures, or tattoos.  Really, how do metrosexual Japanese bikers get through this?!"  Not that I ate sushi, got a manicure, or a tattoo when I was having chemo, but I did do one thing that was very not like me at all.  When I realized that I would loose all of my hair, I went to lunch with a bunch of my friends, then  we went to have my hair cut (by a friend who is a hairstylist).  I had my almost shoulder length hair cut to a little over an inch, then dyed neon pink.  (I could post a pic, but will spare you!)  It was kind of fun to do something so unexpected.  It wasn't long after that I was wearing a wig.  I have pics of Sis, M, and L wearing my wig.  After chemo, my hair came back in really dark and really curly.  I was at the post office and a lady I didn't know stopped me and said, "I love your hair.  Where did you get it done?"  I replied with a chuckle, "Oklahoma Oncology with chemo, but a perm may be easier." She actually smiled.  She introduced herself...she was a nurse! I learned that it was okay to smile and have fun, in spite of the seriousness of the situation.  

The Council of Dads

   A couple of days ago I started reading A Council of Dads by Bruce Feiler.  I've actually had the book in my possession for two weeks, but have delayed starting it because I knew it wouldn't be like any of Feiler's other books that I've already read (Walking the Bible, Abraham, and Where God was Born).  This book would be sad.  Bruce Feiler was diagnosed with cancer. (I am a cancer survivor, so I can relate to some of his thoughts and emotions.) This book tells of his journey with his wife and twin girls as they deal with the diagnosis and how he chooses men from different times in his life that can be his voice should he not be around to raise his girls.  The book is only 240 pages long.  I could read that in just a few hours. WRONG. As of now, I've only read five chapters.  Five very emotional, inspiring chapters.  When I read fiction, I read rapidly and usually can finish a book or two a week if I have a chance to read in the evenings.  This is not a quick read.  It is a book to be read carefully and thoughtfully.  I have nineteen more chapters to go.  I'm not sure how long it will take me to finish, but I look forward to the journey.