Joy in the Journey?

  Absolutely!  I'm thinking I'm starting to see a theme emerge.  When I called a friend to tell her my news, it was hard for me.  You see, she lost her sister (one of my dear friends) to cancer a few years ago.  I was so blessed by her response.  She told me she would be praying for joy for me because the joy of the Lord would be my strength.  Wow!
 A few hours later, I was talking to my sis and commented that I needed a notebook to record this go-round. She said she had a new journal I could use, but didn't know if it would be appropriate because it was titled "Everyday Joy Journal."  I told her it was perfect and shared my phone call.
  Today, while getting friends caught up on everything, I came across a quote on the Joyce Myer Ministries FaceBook site. "God is never going to put us into a situation or permit us to be in one without giving us the ability to be in it with joy."  Talk about confirmation!

Cancer-Round Two!

   A week ago I was very excited to be going to my last six month oncology appointment...I would get to go to yearlies since I was five years cancer free.  After the routine blood work, I was told they wanted to do the tests again.  On the second round of blood work, I was told my white count was low. It could be a virus. I was given an appointment for the next week.  More blood work showed an lower count; even lower than when I was on chemo.  Friday I went in for a bone marrow biopsy and made an appointment for the next week to talk about the results. Early Saturday morning I received a call from my oncologist who said she got the preliminary results Friday evening and final Saturday morning.  I have acute promyelocytic leukemia. Dr. B said I needed to go to the hospital immediately.  "Immediately, as in right now?" I asked. (I was trying to finish my oatmeal and blueberries!) She asked me how I was feeling, and when I told her "fine" she said I could wait until Sunday afternoon.
   After getting off the phone, shedding a few tears, praying for strength and guidance, I began making phone calls.  Thanks to great family and friends, my classroom was taken care of, I met with my realtor (Y,es in the middle of everything, I'm trying to sell my house!), got my act together, and made it to the hospital. What a whirlwind!
   Okay, I need to take a moment and do a little praising.  Praise, really? Yes, I can see God's fingerprints all over this.  First, I didn't have any symptoms.  I was well enough to take care of the things I needed to see to before coming to the hospital.  According to Dr. B, this is a very aggressive form of leukemia and patients are usually exhibiting symptoms including pain and bleeding.  I still feel okay. (I do feel a little guilty because I've been on the computer or phone most of the day.) Another plus: this is a very treatable form or leukemia and it was caught early.  More praise...I can have visitors!  This is not inherited...no risk for my family!
      There are several more things I want to blog about, but will save for other posts.  (I don't like to read really long posts, so I figure no one else does either.) In order to keep everyone updates, I will updates.  I will also be blogging about my experience and thoughts during this whole journey.  I've been telling people this is going to be an adventure, but I'd rather be on a safari in Africa if given a choice!

When God Doesn't Seem to Make Sense

   Habakkuk...maybe not the most famous of all prophets.  I found myself studying him this week; never realized he was a bit different from the other prophets.  While most of the prophets in the Bible are the in-your-face speakers of God's word to us, Habakkuk speaks our word to God.  He lets God know about our disappointment with trying to make sense out of everything.  (Check out the book of Habakkuk...it's only three chapters, but it's powerful.)
   This study kind of reminds me of some of the times I've wrestled with trying to make sense out of what God is doing. (Who am I kidding? This happens more often than I care to admit!) One particular time comes to mind.  When my precious friend G was at the end of her Earthly journey and her sister posted her final blog, I let God know exactly what I thought about Him allowing her to leave the Earth.  God, in His infinite wisdom, did not send a lightning bolt to fry me for my total disrespect.  Instead, He allowed me to "get it out of my system," cry myself out, grieve, and begin to experience the peace that His word speaks about for those who call Him Father. 
   I visited G's blog to read her final post and was reminded of my comment:

Hey Girl!
I'm not going to lie to you, I really want to lay down in the floor and thrown one hissy of a fit. I guess that's why God calls us His "children"...I know that I can act like a child. God doesn't call us to understand, but to trust, believe and obey. (But you know me...I want to understand and I want to be in charge and I want it my way. I actually had a really good idea: You know how teachers donate a day of sick leave? I told God I could convince at least 50 or so people to donate a year of life for you. Well, as you might have guessed, He didn't get back to me on that.) I can not put into words how blessed I am to share this short part of our journey together. Our long talks, adventure in Belize, wig shopping, helping me through that first chemo experience, the theater (sitting through Phantom), and so many other memories will bring smiles, tears and yes, the occasional eye roll. Your friendship and support will never be forgotten...I've got pictures! Your lifeprints are forever on my heart. I love you bunches!!!!
P.S. Please say hi to my mom and little brother (you'll actually get to meet him before me...don't tell him too many stories!)

   I really appreciated the following statements from Eugene Peterson in his introduction to Habakkuk in The Message.  Peterson is talking about How Habakkuk, in his bafflement and confusion waits and listens.

It is in his waiting and listening-which then turns into his praying-that he found himself inhabiting the large world of God's sovereignty.  Only there did he eventually realize that the believing-in-God life, the steady trusting-in-God life, is the full life, the only real life. Habakkuk started out exactly where we start out with our puzzled complaints and God-accusations, but he didn't stay there.  He ended up in a world, along with us, where every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

   So when I'm just "not getting it" and feel a bit out of control, I'm so glad I have God's word to put things in perspective.  I need reminders sometimes.  I think that's why I really like this Building 429 song to end this post and encourage myself to look forward to going home.