Suffering...Keeping Reading (and an update)

  So this morning's devotional was on weakness...

Come to Me  when you are weak and weary.   Rest snugly in My everlasting arms...weakness stirs up My compassion.  Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.  Do not compare yourself with others...I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in  My Presence.  Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless your richly through it. (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, p 235)

   It's no surprise; I don't like to be "weak."  I like to be in control and take care of things (and people) and make sure things get done.  One of the scripture references struck a cord:
  "A bruised reed will not break, and a smoldering wick will not be snuffed out ." Isaiah 42:3
   It reminded me of the line in Group 1 Crew's song "He Said:"
"I won't give you more, more then you can take and I might let you bend, but I won't let you break"
   I though about this throughout the day.   Really tired...two units of blood.   Didn't make my regular trek around the unit today.  Remembered some encouragement from Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book Lies Women Believe. (Also mentioned in the post "Preparation for the Fight")

• True joy is not the absence of pain, but the presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of the pain.
• My painful circumstances will not last one moment longer that God knows is necessary to achieve His eternal purposes in and through my life. 

   Yes...there's joy, trust, and it's not about me.
   It's interesting how many ways people tend to interpret suffering.  People have asked and told me some pretty interesting things, both last time and this time.  I was asked what I thought my "secret sin" was. Some one told me that it wasn't fair that this happened because...then listed the things that I did to further the kingdom.  Someone told me if I...fill in the blank...prayed hard enough, had enough faith, confessed my sin, etc..then God would make this right. Do I believe I'm "suffering for Jesus?" No. Jesus took care of all that on the cross so my eternity with Him is secure.  Do I believe in healing...absolutely.  Do I know exactly what that healing will look like...no, God's got that one. I'm always dumfounded by some comments.  I didn't remember getting a "Get out of Suffering Free" card when I said YES to Jesus.

Therefore we do not lose heart...For our light and momentary troubles [Hey, compared to eternity, this is just a tick in time!] are achieving for us a eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen [all the crazy stuff we get so stressed about] is temporary, but what is unseen [God's glory...His Kingdom business] is eternal.  II Corinthians 4:16-18 [Brackets are my comments.]

Update:
Wow...new part of the adventure today...2 units of blood (Yes, have pics with nurse striking a pose). Who knew when the red stuff got low you could get so tired? Rested a bit more today; enjoyed visits from friends and family. Always amazed at how God send just the right person at just the right time with just the right comment. Scored bananas in a jar and a Frostie! Reminded of our True Hope. Continue to praise God for His faithfulness!

When God Doesn't Seem to Make Sense

   Habakkuk...maybe not the most famous of all prophets.  I found myself studying him this week; never realized he was a bit different from the other prophets.  While most of the prophets in the Bible are the in-your-face speakers of God's word to us, Habakkuk speaks our word to God.  He lets God know about our disappointment with trying to make sense out of everything.  (Check out the book of Habakkuk...it's only three chapters, but it's powerful.)
   This study kind of reminds me of some of the times I've wrestled with trying to make sense out of what God is doing. (Who am I kidding? This happens more often than I care to admit!) One particular time comes to mind.  When my precious friend G was at the end of her Earthly journey and her sister posted her final blog, I let God know exactly what I thought about Him allowing her to leave the Earth.  God, in His infinite wisdom, did not send a lightning bolt to fry me for my total disrespect.  Instead, He allowed me to "get it out of my system," cry myself out, grieve, and begin to experience the peace that His word speaks about for those who call Him Father. 
   I visited G's blog to read her final post and was reminded of my comment:

Hey Girl!
I'm not going to lie to you, I really want to lay down in the floor and thrown one hissy of a fit. I guess that's why God calls us His "children"...I know that I can act like a child. God doesn't call us to understand, but to trust, believe and obey. (But you know me...I want to understand and I want to be in charge and I want it my way. I actually had a really good idea: You know how teachers donate a day of sick leave? I told God I could convince at least 50 or so people to donate a year of life for you. Well, as you might have guessed, He didn't get back to me on that.) I can not put into words how blessed I am to share this short part of our journey together. Our long talks, adventure in Belize, wig shopping, helping me through that first chemo experience, the theater (sitting through Phantom), and so many other memories will bring smiles, tears and yes, the occasional eye roll. Your friendship and support will never be forgotten...I've got pictures! Your lifeprints are forever on my heart. I love you bunches!!!!
P.S. Please say hi to my mom and little brother (you'll actually get to meet him before me...don't tell him too many stories!)

   I really appreciated the following statements from Eugene Peterson in his introduction to Habakkuk in The Message.  Peterson is talking about How Habakkuk, in his bafflement and confusion waits and listens.

It is in his waiting and listening-which then turns into his praying-that he found himself inhabiting the large world of God's sovereignty.  Only there did he eventually realize that the believing-in-God life, the steady trusting-in-God life, is the full life, the only real life. Habakkuk started out exactly where we start out with our puzzled complaints and God-accusations, but he didn't stay there.  He ended up in a world, along with us, where every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

   So when I'm just "not getting it" and feel a bit out of control, I'm so glad I have God's word to put things in perspective.  I need reminders sometimes.  I think that's why I really like this Building 429 song to end this post and encourage myself to look forward to going home.

Prayer

The following was a sweet prayer sent by Sis's mom-in-law:

Our Father who art in Heaven.
     We worship you with songs of praise for the life of B.  Were it not for him, we wouldn't have our dear A to love.  Long ago, we gave him to you for healing, comfort, peace and mercy in his earthly life.  Now with new physical issues, we feel helpless once again.  So God, we lift him to you.  Your arms are strong and sure, your plans for his life are beyond what we can comprehend. 
    We know your means of healing take many forms and we place our trust in you for him now and forever.  We ask that you provide peace and comfort for him.  We ask that your grace and mercy flow round about him, and that those who provide medical care for him now are struck by your presence.  We humbly ask for your dear son, B to radiate your love to those around him.  We ask also that B's daughters, grandsons, and son-in-law be granted comfort too, as they struggle with his declining physical body.  We've asked a lot just now, Lord, but you have told us to bring the desires of our hearts to you, and we have done so.  We trust you and your provisions in all things, in all times, and in all places. 
    Please open our eyes to your loving care of B.
    You are our hope for now and the future.
    You are the Holy one who loves and cares for us more that our minds can imagine.
    To you we turn in confidence and peace.
    Because of Jesus, we ask with joy and expectation!
    Amen.